Anu bang bago?
Ngayon? Nothing much..It’s been a while since I blogged about my crappy life.I got so much to share. But I don’t know to whom should I talk to.. Everyone’s having a great time..Not me..
Just a few hours ago, I auditioned for the dance troupe in our school. I gave it my all. Worked hard. Did my homework. But nothing came out of my efforts. I wasn’t given a chance to prove myself more. I mean, I was given once, but…I don’t feel like that was it.
After the auditions, me and a friend went to the canteen to get something. We had small talk about what happened. She also auditioned. We even danced together. Then, she told me, "Malay mo, meron pang mga mas malalaking bagay na para sayo.. Baka sa future, maging cum laude ka o ano.." or something to that effect. My answer to her? I told her I wasn’t really up to being a genius or something.
I’m the kind of person who prefers practicing the arts more than gaining academic knowledge. I enjoy everytime I perform on stage. Be it dance or act, it gives you an unmatchable feeling.
What I’m trying to say is.. I WANT TO BE ACCEPTED SO BADLY. Why? Because like what I’ve just mentioned, I love the feeling. And I gave it a shot..
Though some take things like those for granted, I would do anything to be in their place. Maybe because I haven’t experienced what they’re doing? I dunno.
The bottom line: I feel bitter towards the outcome of things this early part of my senior year. It’s so unfair. The things I really want, the things that I work hard for, the things I LONG TO DO…I just couldn’t get them. It happens all the time. I don’t know why I still feel bad everytime I "lose" to challenges and stuff like that. Am I not good enough? Or people just don’t want me in their "field"?
Damn this life of mine..Its full full full of challenges. Challenges that I don’t think I’m strong enough to handle. Its so stupid that people see me as somebody strong. Yet, I feel so weak inside.
Why is it that I feel like I don’t get my share of the cake while everybody gets more than what they should?..I feel so damn hurt by what happened today. It made me wonder: when will I ever get what I deserve? Or is God/Allah giving me what he thinks I deserve? Is this what I really deserve? shit..
DO I DESERVE ALL OF THIS?
somebody please answer me…
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